Little Myriad Smiles

Posts Tagged ‘Hangouts

As the first rays of the golden sun kissed her eyes she felt a bliss that she had never known. Renée was never a first light person. But on that day she was wide awake at 6 0’ clock in the morning… a day she felt ushered in some inexplicable joy that she just couldn’t place her fingers on 🙂

He called her then. She felt sad. She had to let him go. Been best friends for quite a long time now but he just couldn’t see her like that any more. On her part, she didn’t feel anything else. Infatuation, crushes and love were all feelings alien to her. His growing feelings were becoming more manifested day by day. She has told him umpteen times that she isn’t into it and to remain friends. But he just couldn’t take it that way. So she had to end the friendship that day. No other go. She had to do it for the best of them.

Suddenly the day didn’t seem so bright. All the smiles that she woke up with suddenly waned and were replaced with a sinking heart. But she knew she had to do it. Never a person to be spending more than five minutes before the mirror, that day she took extra pains to stand before the mirror to make her look bad. Messed up her already messed up hair, tied it into a loose pony tail, left the kaajal that she always adorned herself with and picked up her least favourite dress from her wardrobe. And she was ready.

“This is insane”, Renée reminded herself. She doesn’t need to do this. All that is required is to call him up and tell him that she is not ready to be committed to him. It would disappoint him but sooner or later, he would grow out of it. Of this, she was sure. But there was this voice inside her that kept on pushing her and for once she succumbed to it.

Rushing out of the tuition class, she hailed a cab and ran to Café Couch. She saw him as she crossed the road. For the first time in her life, she noticed that he is handsome. In his white tees, low-waist jeans and his hallmark white cap, he looked all macho! Cursing herself for thinking along these lines, she went near him and said a casual ‘hi’. The awkwardness in the air was so pronounced that she felt that this isn’t them.

Settling down in a not-so-comfortable couch as the guy behind the counter was eyeing at her in a not-so-good manner, she started on what she had rehearsed. But before she could complete a sentence, he took her hands in his. ‘Whoa!’…the feeling was nothing like she has felt before. She didn’t want to let go of that hands…warm big hands against her cold small hands. As he entwined his fingers around hers with a firm but gentle grip, she suddenly realized that she will never be able to let go of him.

Always a person to be thinking from her head and ignoring her heart, she proceeded on why they shouldn’t get together. She kept on going and he listened without protest but his eyes said it all. The honesty of what he felt mirrored in his eyes, the very eyes that she loved so much. She tried her best to ignore his eyes and her palpitating heart.

It was time to go. His face sported a wearied given-up look. Her heart melted to see him like this. She cursed herself for being callous. But her little grey cells kept on telling her she had to do it. He paid the bill. Suddenly, amazing herself and him, she blew a flying kiss at him and ran out smiling 🙂 She couldn’t believe she did that. The romantic side of her bewildered her otherwise tomboyish self.

She saw him coming towards her, baffled but smiling, caught hold of her and gave a gentle kiss on her forehead. And at that moment, she knew that she has found her man…one person who could bring out the feminine side of her… who taught her the real world and made her strong…who made her realize who she is…respected, trusted and understood her more than anybody else.

Renée saw him as she traveled in the cab back home, sitting on the steps some distance away with a phone on his hand, talking and smiling away. She waved at him smiling. These smiles were those that defined their lives…those that brought about myriad memories to cherish lifelong 🙂


It was another one of our rendezvous at sweet mahal- the three of us shares a rapport which is way beyond words. Pure masti, that’s what we have all the time we meet, be it pulling each other’s leg, making faces or irritating the shit outta each other…everything spells f-u-n 😀 Gibberish talk is our area of expertise and at times we talk so much of crap that after sometime we are left wondering where it all began!  But at times these blahing away take us to serious ponderings and I simply love that clash of views, snapping and snubbing, raised eyebrows and rolling eyes 🙂

Innocence-that’s what we chanced upon today. The reason behind this discussion was a common friend of ours who according to Mr.J is the most innocent person living on this earth. Gorging all the pani puris, he kept on gushing about her while me n Mr.M was half staring at him with mouths wide open! With a gleam on his face and twinkle in his eyes he went on and on and we listened on and on. When we reached saturation, M and I drew the bottom-line… N is innocent and that shut his mouth! Whew!

Yes, N is very much innocent. Having known her for more than twelve years, I know that for a fact. And she excellently fits into J’s idea of innocence. Sweet and caring and viewing the world as a perfect place where most people are cherubs keeps her innocence alive at all times :)But let’s admit it, earth is not heaven and certainly not all Homo sapiens are angels. And whether you like it or not, you need to be ready to stand up for yourself and fight. So, that’s when M brought the question as to whether the people who stand up for themselves and fight for their rights are not innocent?

Good question! Standing up for you doesn’t kill your innocence. It’s just that those people have kept their eyes wide open and turns a deaf ear to the ‘ignorance is bliss’ perception. M drives home the point that innocence is being true to yourself and not being dumb as he believes that the widely accepted idea of innocence has more to do with stupidity. For him innocence is not suppression, while J kinda believes that the Indian woman is more innocent because of her silent suffering. M practically had his eyeballs protruding from his sockets when he heard it. Suffice to say that he went bonkers. And yeah, I took sides with him, him being my mirror-image, we couldn’t agree less. While M was going all haywire pointing out to J the contrary, his whole attention was on the dahi puri this time.(He did ask us in between whether we wanted a share, but one look at him, we both silently agreed to let him have the whole thing :P). Well, J believes that Indian woman would win any day hands down. A true spirited Indian woman that I am, I totally concur. But why doesn’t she protest? Is it because she is scared or is it because she is innocent? Or is she desperately trying to fit into the ‘idea’ of innocence? Why can’t she just listen to her gut feeling? Quoting M, “We don’t exactly live life on a rule book right? So, why should we relate to gut feeling as something outside as… as something so distant?” Brilliant M!!!

Well, the discussions went on for an hour and as usual we were at loggerheads with each other. From Sita and Virgin Mary to Wordsworth’s Lucy and Marquez’s Remedios the Beauty, we have had different insights to innocence. But in the end we all agreed on a common point; innocence is always subjective. So, maybe there’s a mockingbird in all of us and it’s a sin to kill it ‘coz it symbolizes our innocence…the innate goodness that we are all born with. (Yes, I am a big fan of Harper Lee’s ‘To Kill a Mockingbird.’) .As J rightly puts it, “It’s a mater of heart.” Yes, sire M and I bows!


May 2018
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