Little Myriad Smiles

Posts Tagged ‘Love

As the first rays of the golden sun kissed her eyes she felt a bliss that she had never known. Renée was never a first light person. But on that day she was wide awake at 6 0’ clock in the morning… a day she felt ushered in some inexplicable joy that she just couldn’t place her fingers on 🙂

He called her then. She felt sad. She had to let him go. Been best friends for quite a long time now but he just couldn’t see her like that any more. On her part, she didn’t feel anything else. Infatuation, crushes and love were all feelings alien to her. His growing feelings were becoming more manifested day by day. She has told him umpteen times that she isn’t into it and to remain friends. But he just couldn’t take it that way. So she had to end the friendship that day. No other go. She had to do it for the best of them.

Suddenly the day didn’t seem so bright. All the smiles that she woke up with suddenly waned and were replaced with a sinking heart. But she knew she had to do it. Never a person to be spending more than five minutes before the mirror, that day she took extra pains to stand before the mirror to make her look bad. Messed up her already messed up hair, tied it into a loose pony tail, left the kaajal that she always adorned herself with and picked up her least favourite dress from her wardrobe. And she was ready.

“This is insane”, Renée reminded herself. She doesn’t need to do this. All that is required is to call him up and tell him that she is not ready to be committed to him. It would disappoint him but sooner or later, he would grow out of it. Of this, she was sure. But there was this voice inside her that kept on pushing her and for once she succumbed to it.

Rushing out of the tuition class, she hailed a cab and ran to Café Couch. She saw him as she crossed the road. For the first time in her life, she noticed that he is handsome. In his white tees, low-waist jeans and his hallmark white cap, he looked all macho! Cursing herself for thinking along these lines, she went near him and said a casual ‘hi’. The awkwardness in the air was so pronounced that she felt that this isn’t them.

Settling down in a not-so-comfortable couch as the guy behind the counter was eyeing at her in a not-so-good manner, she started on what she had rehearsed. But before she could complete a sentence, he took her hands in his. ‘Whoa!’…the feeling was nothing like she has felt before. She didn’t want to let go of that hands…warm big hands against her cold small hands. As he entwined his fingers around hers with a firm but gentle grip, she suddenly realized that she will never be able to let go of him.

Always a person to be thinking from her head and ignoring her heart, she proceeded on why they shouldn’t get together. She kept on going and he listened without protest but his eyes said it all. The honesty of what he felt mirrored in his eyes, the very eyes that she loved so much. She tried her best to ignore his eyes and her palpitating heart.

It was time to go. His face sported a wearied given-up look. Her heart melted to see him like this. She cursed herself for being callous. But her little grey cells kept on telling her she had to do it. He paid the bill. Suddenly, amazing herself and him, she blew a flying kiss at him and ran out smiling 🙂 She couldn’t believe she did that. The romantic side of her bewildered her otherwise tomboyish self.

She saw him coming towards her, baffled but smiling, caught hold of her and gave a gentle kiss on her forehead. And at that moment, she knew that she has found her man…one person who could bring out the feminine side of her… who taught her the real world and made her strong…who made her realize who she is…respected, trusted and understood her more than anybody else.

Renée saw him as she traveled in the cab back home, sitting on the steps some distance away with a phone on his hand, talking and smiling away. She waved at him smiling. These smiles were those that defined their lives…those that brought about myriad memories to cherish lifelong 🙂


Fear- an element so innate in humans…an element people take advantage of profusely…an element which snatches a part of us from ourselves. It is this fear that makes us espouse a power above us, a force so strong and radiant that none can escape its aura. But wait a moment-rewind and contemplate; was it fear or was it love?

The essence of this universe itself is the powerful power of love, the very power that we associate with God Almighty. But why is it that the fear element is more predominant than love. Why are we taught to fear Him than love Him? In fact, we inculcate this abhorred element into a kids’ mind at a very young age that at one point of time he/she finds God more of a punishment power rather than an embodiment of love. Amazed am I at the irony; shun love and shake hands with fear!

Heaven and hell, the twin compliments depict the abode of righteous people and wrongdoers respectively. The standpoint of righteousness is subjective, the very subjectiveness of which shades it with ambiguity. This ambiguity, in turn shepherded people to the not-so-right path. With time, the thin line between the right and wrong diminished. Confusion became rampant. Being atheist and agnostic came into vogue, especially among the youth 😐

On the other side, religious pundits, priests and maulvis advocated amplified beliefs. Demi-Gods (or was it demo Gods?) came into existence. Another commodity called religion was marketed and publicized. The common man fell prey to it. Violence was unleashed in the name of God! The embodiment of love became the embodiment of hatred. Religious humanism became extinct!

This brings me back to what I had started off with. To all those believers out there my question is what attracted us to that power…love or fear? For me the power has been a path leader, which made me espouse more of righteousness than its antonym. That complimentary path was not so unassailable… it stared at me right on my face most of the times and tempting it was I have strayed onto that at times, but a firm grip of morality and that powerful love always brought me back to my senses before it’s too late. I know for a fact that fear of Him would have never brought me back, but that love was too strong to be ignored 🙂


May 2018
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